My Experience with "Windows Vista"
I was doing some important work on my computer recently (trying to put a picture of someone's head on a picture of someone else's body) when I noticed a flashing red signal on my screen. Rarely a sign that all is well, I decided to click on it to find out what was wrong. The message told me that the "Auto Protect" feature on my antivirus program was turned off, and that I should turn it back on immediately because my computer was no longer protected against various imminent threats. Fearing that a hoard of angry Vikings would be now able to enter my home through my internet cable, I turned it back on. I continued my work, only to once again see that same flashing red signal, with the same message. No matter what I tried, the program wouldn't respond. My next decision would lead to a series of Clouseau-esque trips and falls that would keep me mired in frustration for the next few days to come.
I had a problem with this antivirus program before (I won't say which brand, but it sounds like "Horton's", only it starts with an "N" instead of an "H"), and decided to again use the same remedy, that is, uninstall it and reinstall it. The uninstalling was easy enough, but when it came time to reinstall it, I couldn't remember how, and as it was a downloaded program, I didn't have the CD to help me. No problem, I thought, as I could just do a "System Restore" (also something I had done before to fix a problem) which effectively goes back in time to reset all your programs to a previous date. I tried it, and it lead to a series of program failures and glitches that eventually made the computer completely useless. Well…I suppose I could have used it as a footrest. What I meant is that it was completely useless as a computer. It was at this point that I decided to put my ego aside and take the computer to the shop.
The guy at the store confirmed my worst fear: I had to reinstall Windows XP, which would cure the problem, but also necessitate my reinstalling all the other programs as well, as they would be lost in the process. He told me that essentially, the antivirus program that I had been using integrates itself so thoroughly with Windows that it can't be uninstalled completely. "That antivirus program is nothing but problems" he said, to which I agreed, as had others that I've consulted in the past.
I decided that since I had to reinstall Windows anyway, I would take the opportunity to upgrade. While my financial situation did not allow me to buy a whole new computer, I did need more storage space than what I had. I decided then to buy a new hard drive (essentially the brain of the computer, where Windows would be reinstalled), and at the same time, the new Windows Vista operating system, and, to avoid any further complications, have the storekeeper install it.
When I brought my baby, uh, I mean my computer, home and turned it on, I liked what I saw. The new Windows Vista was modern and easy to use, with many new features. No time to enjoy it though, as I needed a new antivirus program to install and protect my computer from being raped and pillaged before I could venture out into the dark, dangerous world that is the internet. I wanted to go shopping for it in the real world, but as what was to be a foot a snow was currently coming down, I decided to risk a quick venture online to purchase one there. Not as easy as you would think, since Windows Vista is so new, and there are very few programs that will work with it. I did find one that claimed to work with Vista, paid for it, and installed it on my computer. When I restarted my computer to activate the program, its reaction was…well, let me put it this way: Have you ever thrown water on a cat?
"Warning!" this and "Danger!" that, and "What have you done to me? I thought we were friends!" kept flashing on the screen, as my computer suddenly seemed to develop Turrets Syndrome, Alzheimer's, and Manic-Depressive Disorder all at once. Then it would give me the computer equivalent of "That's it…I'm leaving!", whereupon it would shut down, restart, and then repeat the whole episode over and over. It kind of reminded me of my Ex.
Also like my Ex, there was no talking to it. It wouldn't respond to any of my commands, requests, and, eventually, my pleas. I tried everything short of pushing harder on the keys of my keyboard, and, in desperation, I even tried that. Nothing worked, and so I asked my now bruised ego to take one more for the team, and go back to the shop.
There's a way to start a computer in what's called "Safe Mode", where the programs don't run and you can uninstall the ones that are causing problems. All you have to do is press F8 during start-up. I had tried it at home, but it didn't work, and I figured that somehow I wasn't doing it right. The guy at the store managed to do it somehow though, and succeeded in turning off my retarded antivirus program (which I will forever refer to as "McCrappy"). I bought another one from him, and returned home to install it.
When I turned on my computer at home, I saw that, while it was running better than before, it still had not completely recovered from it's bout with mental illness. After many attempts at counselling, I came to one conclusion: I had to reinstall Windows Vista.
I did, and having succeeded in doing so, felt confident that it would be smooth sailing from here on. All I had to do now was reinstall all my old programs (that I had fortunately backed up on CD), but I thought I should start with the new antivirus program. While trying to install it, I received the first of what would be a regular occurring message: "Not compatible with Windows Vista". In layman's terms, "I like you, but…"
It seems that along with the new antivirus program, several of my favourite programs also wouldn't work with Vista, nor would my printer, or my scanner. The program that runs my brand new DVD burner wouldn't work either, but that's okay I thought, because I noticed that Vista had one built into it. I tried to run it, only to be told that my video card is too old for it to work.
It was at this point that I began to envision a life without a computer. I saw myself spending more time outdoors, bathed in natural sunlight rather than the dim glow of a monitor, getting some fresh air and exercise. I imagined myself meeting real people, making new friends, and maybe even falling in love. But then I thought "What if I want to send and receive funny pictures and videos to and from these new friends? How would I do that?" No, living without a computer was not an option.
I therefore had another decision to make. Keep the new Windows Vista program, run it without an antivirus for a while hoping that my computer can hold off any attacks until one is available, not being able to scan or print anything, or run certain programs, and buy a new video card so I can burn DVD's…or, reinstall Windows XP. At least with XP, I know everything will work, and I already have an antivirus program bought and paid for. I weighed all options, and decided that it was the best solution, for the sanity of my computer, as well as my own. Also, the neighbours were starting to complain about the constant profanities coming from my apartment…
I put my Windows XP CD into my computer and started it. After a few moments, I was told (by the computer, not by the voices in my head) that to install Windows XP, all I had to do was press F8. When I saw that message, I had a moment of total peace. I realized that by pressing that one single key, all the stress and frustration, the anger, the crying (that's a typo…it should read "trying") that I'd suffered over the last few days, would finally be over. All I had to do was press F8.
And so I did. F8. F8. F8…F8…F8…AAARRGGHH!
You guessed it…nothing happened. All the other keys worked, but when I pressed F8, there was no response. Why? What did I do to deserve this? Was my computer getting back at me for all the cursing, kicking, and threats? I can almost hear it laughing at me. Laughing and pointing. "Laugh at me, will you? Wait until I get my hammer out of the toolbox, and we'll see who gets the last…" and then I had a thought: F8? Why does that sound familiar?
I came to the conclusion that because of my previous failure with the F8 key, that that particular key, and only that key, was not working for some reason (I know what some of you are thinking right now, but let me finish). I decided to go out and buy a new keyboard (a cheap one), and plug it in, just for the working F8 key, so that I could continue with the installation, and then return it when I was done. I braved the minus thirty degree wind chill, bought one, returned home, and plugged it in, only to see that it too didn't work. What the hell was going on? Was I losing my mind, or did I have the incredibly bad luck of having two keyboards in a row where every key worked but the F8 key? Maybe there were other forces at work here, preventing me from having a working computer, because I was close to discovering a secret so big, so dangerous, that it would change our concept of reality as we know it? Then again…maybe not.
You know how sometimes you push a door to open it, and it won't open. You push and push, but it just won't budge. You get frustrated and wonder "What's going on, why won't it open? Is it locked or am I doing something wrong"? And then, when you're just about to kick it, you look down near the handle and see the word "Pull". This is how I felt when I saw the key "F-lock" key on the keyboard. Apparently, the F-keys (1 through 12) can be locked out, and you must press a key to unlock them. I pressed it, pressed F8, and Windows XP began to install.
It took my the better part of a day to reinstall all my programs, change my settings, re-establish my internet and email connections, and essentially bring my computer back to the state it was in before it started to go haywire. My scanner worked, my printer worked, everything worked, and I was able to use my DVD burner again. All was well with the world. I was installing one final program though, when it happened again: My computer froze up. All was not well with the world. After much deliberation, I reluctantly came to one conclusion: You guessed it.
It only took me five hours to reinstall Windows XP and all my other programs this time…I think I'm starting to get the hang of this. Apparently, the last program I had tried to install had an antivirus in it that interfered with the one already installed in my computer, and caused it to become completely unresponsive. I decided to leave it out this time, and now everything is running well.
My experience with Windows Vista was a difficult one, but I got through it, with only a few extra grey hairs as a result. So, is Vista better than XP? Sure it is, but unless you've got a newer computer, and are willing to wait for new software that will work with Vista, don't bother changing. The cost of upgrading is not worth the benefit of the new program. Certainly not if, as in my case, the main use for your computer is sending and receiving funny pictures and videos.
